The London Runaway
by jinxxxxx
Summary: An Elsanna fanfic; dl;dr. Modern AU in which Elsa is a 19 year old college student, in 2014 London. She wishes for nothing more than to see Anna, but the circumstances in which they meet again are not as she would have wished. Ongoing, plans for a longer story. (Features Rapunzel.)
1. Letters of Acceptance

1. Letters of Acceptance

_"The next station; is King's Cross St. Pancras. Change for national, and international train services."_

The automated voice spoke to inform, and did little to soothe Elsa's nerves. Her heart in her mouth, she let her eyes wander around the carriage, studying the variety of commuters with whom she was sharing her short journey with. She looked without seeing, unable to concentrate on anything other than the seemingly endless level of anxiety bubbling up within her.

_Day one, of semester one, year two. You've done this all before; you'll be fine._

Elsa's attempts to comfort herself and keep focused did not go unrewarded, she became able to control her breathing. She noticed the rattling train begin to slow down as she pulled into her destination. The doors opened sharply, and she hopped out, her light feet connecting softly with the worn platform surface. She followed the dense crowd, her platinum blonde hair causing her to stand out a little more than she would have liked. Adjusting the strap of her leather satchel, she picked up her pace; the click-clack of her heels ticking like a clock down the exit tunnel of the station. Blinking as she adjusted to the new-found light, she began to move towards Central Saint Martin's, the Fine Arts college in which she had enrolled and excelled in the previous year, and hoped to continue to do so.

_You've done this all before. You'll be fine._

The young woman stepped tentatively through the arched doorway into the cavernous entrance hall. Racking her brains to remember which room she had to start her daily review in, she turned slowly, taking in the unique smell of her college, filling her mind with memories of the previous year. Elsa took a deep breath, smiling slightly. It was good to be back.

* * *

_You did it. You were fine._

"...And I highly recommend you maintain attendance, as this will be included in your final grade. _Do not _forget to practise everything you do, _I cannot _stress how important practise is toward your attainable skill level. 'Forgetting to do your work' is _not _a valid excuse." Her gray-haired tutor spoke in clipped tones, and her eyes settled on Elsa with the final statement in her conclusion to the lecture. Elsa feigned a guilty smile, but let her eyes roll when she was no longer under the hawk-like vision of the lady who had taught her everything she knew, and was turning off the projector at the front. She shut the lid of her laptop with a sharp _thwack _and shoved it into her bag, slinging the oversized monstrosity over her tired back. Preparing to exit along with the congregation of her fellow students, she failed to notice a tall, young man clad in suit and tie push past the gaggle of amateur artists.

"Uh, Elsa? Elsa Larsson?" His warm voice travelled over her shoulder, and she spun around as it was met by her ears.

"I think I'm supposed to be the new lodger in your house. W-well, not yours, your shared house. I mean, with Rapunzel and Hans. Rapunzel told me I could find you here."

Elsa baulked; looking around furtively, hoping no-one could see him.

"How the _hell_ did you get in here?! This is admittance for students only, and I'm _fairly sure _you're not on this course!" She spoke quickly, her eyes flicking around. She did not want to get in trouble fraternising with a trespasser on her first day back.

"I asked the person at the main office if I could greet someone at the end of their lecture. She said it was fine. Did you have to react like that?" The man's words were blunt, but he chuckled as he spoke.

"Fine, I guess." Elsa let allowed her second false smile of the day. "Come with me. Do you know the route?" Elsa strode purposefully out of the lecture hall into the corridor, slinging her bag further up her shoulder, it had slipped down once more.

"I uh, think so. I'm not a hundred percent on it. Though I won't be making this journey again; this is the last time I arrive unannounced at one of your lectures." He smiled warmly again. "Oh- I forgot to mention my name. I'm Kristoff, but you can call me Kris. It's a little less formal."

Elsa returned his smile as they made their way out of the college and toward the underground station once again.

_Cute name, I guess._

* * *

"No, no, _no_! You do it like _this_!" Elsa chastised Kristoff as he tried to make a roux* base for a cheese sauce, on Elsa's instruction. They were cooking a relatively meagre dish of macaroni and cheese.

_Welcome to student life. _

"I'm sorry, okay! I'm used to chopping goddamn wood, not bloody cruciferous vegetables! You could have a little patience!" Kristoff spat back, the pressure of the kitchen seeming to have a profound effect on him. Elsa kept her cool and fixed the sauce over his shoulder, like a lioness teaching her cub to hunt. She gave him a patronizing smile.

"_There we go! Who's a good boy?" _Elsa spoke as if to a small child, smirking. Kristoff fumed. Throwing his hands down in a gesture of profound frustration and subsequent submittance, he addressed Elsa.

"I need a cigarette. Chuck that on simmer. You're coming right?" The words came pleadingly out of Kristoff's mouth. He wanted to escape the kitchen. Elsa retrieved her wine glass, and downed the last dregs remaining. Elsa gave a lopsided smile, and mumbled an affirmative. She didn't really smoke, but that wasn't a concern at this point.

The chilled air of their small terraced garden stung Elsa's face as she pushed open the back door of the kitchen, and she strode out, a shivering Kristoff in her wake. Fumbling, Kristoff removed a pair of straights from the carton, put them in his mouth, and sparked up, lighting them. He passed one to Elsa, and she took it between her fingers, not sure how to proceed. She tried to think back to how they did it in the movies. She placed it between her lips with her middle and index finger, and took a short drag from it. The smoke burned her throat, and she tried her hardest not to cough as she exhaled the dense cloud of carcinogens. Elsa gazed inside, unconsciously noticing the empty bottle of wine she was responsible for. Motion blur seemed to intensify as she turned to look at Kristoff, who was smiling at her. He gave a light-hearted wink.

"I take it you've never smoked before?" Kristoff laughed.

_Fuck, he noticed._

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

Elsa returned his laugh with a clumsy giggle, and noticed how the alcohol had clouded her mind slightly. She became aware of Kristoff moving towards her lips, but didn't really register it until his mouth was locked with hers. Shocked, her eyes shot wide open. Kristoff's hands slid down her back as he continued kissing her, seemingly oblivious of her lack of reciprocative motions toward his actions. As Kristoff pulled her inside and led her upstairs, Hans entered the house, slamming the front door behind him, muttering about his 'atrocity of a day'. He noticed Elsa and Kristoff stumbling upstairs, but said nothing. He dropped his bag, and wandered into the kitchen, noticing with joy that Elsa had left a full meal of mac and cheese. He tucked in.

Elsa went along with Kristoff, and ambiguously kissed him as she got backwards onto the bed. She smiled absent mindedly through their embrace, and lay backwards as Kristoff undressed.

* * *

_God, I miss Anna. And my head hurts like __**fuck**__. _

Elsa groaned as she propped herself up onto her elbow. Her stomach fought to retain the negligible amount of food she had eaten yesterday, but contradicted itself by rumbling for some breakfast. Elsa gulped, and fell back into her pillow.

_Wait, what._

Elsa's eyes snapped open once more. She became aware of slow, measured breathing next to her. She became aware that she was in bed with Kristoff.

_I'm in bed with Kristoff. Fuck._

Daring to peek onto the floor, she saw a used condom in the bin.

_Fuck._

She rubbed her eyes and yawned widely. She gazed at Kristoff, noticing his dirty blond hair, chiseled physique, and strong, defined cheekbones. She wasn't really aroused, but-

_Meh. I could have done worse._

She pulled the bed sheets back, and slid out onto the carpeted floor, curling her toes into the welcome warmth. Pulling a t-shirt over her bare top, she padded with light feet downstairs into the kitchen, and flicked the kettle on. As she busied herself with making a cup of coffee, she looked down at the clock on the stove. _06:52_. She smiled, relieved; she had ages to get ready. The amber light on the kettle snapped off, and the boiling water calmed slightly. The heated water whooshed slightly as she poured a measure into her favourite mug, steam rising from the enamel mug. Elsa stood on her tip-toes to retrieve the instant coffee from the cupboard above the counter, and dispensed a spoonful into the hot water, watching convection cause the brown granules to colour the previously clear liquid. She inhaled deeply, the smell enough to get her mind in gear for the day ahead.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?" Kristoff's gravelly morning-voice greeted her.

_Oh yeah. Forgot about you._

"I'm good. I have a busy day today. Would you like some toast?" Elsa smiled as she retrieved a loaf of seeded brown bread from the shelf next to the (essential) microwave.

"Ooh, don't mind if I do." Kristoff answered gratefully. He walked up behind Elsa and kissed her neck, curling a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Oh, _Anna._" Elsa whispered, eyes closed.

_Shit._

"What? I couldn't hear you, did you say something?" Kristoff moved to her side, looking down at her.

"U-uh, nope. I just yawned. You must be imagining things, honey." Elsa forced a casual tone, hardly believing her -_luck? _No. She couldn't call it luck. She left it labelled as not having to have an uncomfortable confrontation. That'll do.

* * *

Checking her watch, _7:57_, Elsa stepped around a pile of empty cardboard boxes to open the front door, once more re-adjusting her bag strap, when she saw a handwritten envelope lying, untouched, on the floor. It was addressed to her. She tucked it into the back pocket of her jeans, and proceeded to exit the house, mumbling a good-bye to anyone who was listening.

"Have a nice day, sweetie!" Elsa heard, just as the heavy door clicked shut behind her. Her Converse splashed into a muddied puddle, full of the autumnal leaves, in a spectrum of brown, yellow and orange. She regretted wearing fabric shoes the minute she felt water seep into her sock. Inserting her headphones and tapping play on her iPhone, she walked at an even pace toward the tube station, making a journey she has and will make hundreds of times.

Just settling into the last available seat on the train, she pulled out the letter, and ripped it open. It read:

_29/09/13_

_Dear Sis,_

_ I hope you're having a brilliant time at University! I heard your first year went brilliantly. Well done! I'm studying to get into Imperial College London! Wish me luck... _

_Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I've heard it's really tough to adapt to live away from home, especially considering how close we were. Are, even! I'd love to come visit you; I really miss having you around. You light up the house. Mom and Dad are being difficult as usual, this house is destroying any motivation I have. My friends have been brilliant though, and my work is going well. _

_With you just having turned 19, I thought I'd give you a belated happy birthday as well! I would have called, but my phone is totally broken. It's hard to keep in contact with those who have decided to move to bloody London! See you soon, hopefully._

_ Love you dearly,_

_ Anna xoxo_

Elsa fought back tears as she read and re-read her sister's letter. She hadn't seen her dear Anna for far too long.

Glancing out of the window, she saw that she was at her stop. Folding up the creased paper with extravagant care, she tucked it back into her pocket and hopped off the train, slinging her bag onto her back.

Elsa worked through the day, but found it impossible to push Anna's words to the back of her head. They kept repeating themselves in her head, like a surreal mantra. On her return journey, she unconsciously watched for Anna among the nameless crowds around her, bustling in a form of organized chaos, each individual weaving a web of life matching the complexity of hers, together creating an unfathomable network of events.

Elsa continued to make her way home.

* * *

The following months passed in a monotonous fashion, with the weather steadily getting colder and rainier, until finally in early December, snow fell. Elsa leant out of her window, admiring the dense fractal patterns, each snowflake unique and individual, beautiful in its own way; no two alike. She held out her palm and allowed one to fall onto her pale skin. It didn't melt. She admired its intricacies, and allowed her thoughts to flow. Slipping from the windowsill back into her room, she remembered her promise to herself to at least _draft _a response to her sister's heartfelt letter. Elsa retrieved a piece of blank paper and a fountain pen, believing herself ready.

She let all of her thoughts and feeling flow through the ink, leaving the sharp nib in a delicate flow of infatuated words, outlining and describing each feeling she had for her sister in unobtrusive phrases.

Signing off the letter with her name and a sketch of a snowflake, she pushed back her chair and rose from her desk, stomach rumbling. She left the letter on her desk. There was no way this was getting sent.

* * *

"Elsaaa!" Kristoff called, "Dinner's ready!" She gave a light smile.

_Oh how thankful I am he learned to love cooking._

She was greeted with the nasal palette of frying onion, mushroom, and pepper, with a slow cooked cut of lamb garnished with béarnaise** sauce. Her mouth started watering.

_How the hell does he afford this? Even for himself, let alone our four-strong group of students? He must have either wealthy parents or a kick-ass job. I know so little about him, and he isn't failing to remind me that our 'Quarter year Anniversary' is coming up shortly._

Elsa brushed the thought from her mind; it was none of her business anyway. She took a seat and admired the light glancing onto her crystalline crockery. With a twist of the hand, Rapunzel dashed a swirl of the yellow sauce onto the steaming lamb. The golden-haired girl gave a beaming smile.

"He's outdone himself. You should be proud of introducing Kris to cooking; you've really improved him." At Rapunzel's amiable statement, Hans snorted through his mouthful of mushroom obnoxiously, and said, muffled;

"If you say so, girlie."

Elsa gave threw him a distasteful glare, and took a bite from her plate.

_Holy shit this is amazing. I doubt I could match this. _

Elsa gave Kristoff an approving smile, and continued to tuck into the meal, enjoying every morsel. When she had cleaned her plate, she gathered up the dishes and placed them in the sink, and turned on the tap preparing to wash them. A frantic knocking on the door caught her unawares, and Rapunzel stood up to greet the unknown visitor. Her waist length hair swished around as she strode elegantly toward the door, and she wondered who was crazy enough to be out in a snow storm like this.

"Holy shi- ELSA! Come! Hurry! It's your sister!" Rapunzel cried into the house, her tone highly distressed.

_Holy fuck- what the hell happened?_

Elsa threw down the plate as she ran into hall, hearing it smash. The sound became muffled in her ears, as did Rapunzel's shocked exclamations when she saw the state of her younger sister. The young redhead was crying as she swayed by the front door, snow falling heavily onto her shoulders, having settled on her hair already. She was shivering, and Elsa could see a serious black eye.

_Oh my fucking god-_

"_ANNA!_ Oh my _God!_ _What the hell happened?!_" Elsa cried out, running out of the house, grabbing Anna in a close embrace; trying to warm her sister as much as she could.

"_Fuck. _Come inside Anna, you must be freezing!" Elsa led her sister inside. Anna stepped tentatively into the house, shaking with sobs and the ice cold weather. Elsa walked behind the younger girl, a comforting hand on her shoulder. She pushed Anna down into a chair, and asked Rapunzel softly to make a hot cup of tea. Elsa crouched down, and grasped the hands of the shivering wreck that apparently passed for her sister.

"_Anna._" Elsa tried to speak as comfortingly as possible. "What happened? Please tell me. I want to help you. I won't be angry no matter what happened."

"I-I ran away f-f-from Mom and D-Dad. T-they uh," Anna faltered, her mind racing. How important was the truth in a situation like this?

"They caught me in bed with a boy, and o-obviously we're not married y-yet." Anna tried her best to give a smile through her tears.

_Fucking religious parents. Trust Dad to be so insensitive. I swear to God I'm gonna hunt him down for hurting her._

Anna's heart was pounding, and she breathed heavily.

_She's clearly in shock. Be slow._

"Listen, I'm here only to help you. I don't think what you've done is wrong. I'm not mad at all. Do they know you're here?" Elsa spoke carefully, enunciating clearly in warm tones.

"N-no.. I didn't tell them. I ran straight after Dad hit me. I-I'm sorry, E-Elsa."

Elsa's blood boiled once more. How dare he pretend to uphold the fallacy of religious tradition yet still strike his innocent daughter because she didn't conform to his rules. Elsa had no problem with the concept of religion, it was when it infringed upon other's basic human rights that she lost compassion for it.

Rapunzel walked softly into the room, and wordlessly set down a steaming mug of tea onto the coffee table beside them. She gave a comforting look to Anna, then walked out, shutting the door behind her; leaving the sisters in peace.

"Right. What I'm going to do, Anna, is ring Mom and Dad. You have holidays now, right?" She paused for Anna to give a quick nod. "I'm going to let them know that you're here, and that you're safe. I'm going to tell them that I'm keeping you here until at least after Christmas, to let moods and anger settle. You're safe here. Everyone here has your best interests at heart. Especially me, Anna. I love you." Elsa embraced her sister in a close hug, placing her chin on the younger girl's head. She took a deep breath, smelling the strawberry shampoo Anna had clearly not ceased using since Elsa had moved away. Her breath quickened with longing.

_What's wrong with you. She's clearly with this boy. Control yourself for one goddamn moment and be there for her.** Like a normal sister.** _

"The guy you were with. Is he hurt? Did Dad do anything to him? Did he follow you here?" and then- "Do you want to contact him?" Elsa questioned, calmly. Anna shook her head, providing a negative response for all of the questions Elsa had imposed. Elsa rose from her kneeling position, and took a seat next to Anna, not breaking physical contact. It looked as if Anna had calmed slightly. Anna lay her head on Elsa's breast, and shut her eyes; she was clearly exhausted. Elsa stayed quite still, keeping one eye on her sister, while gazing out of the window at the swirling snow storm that was surging outside. Once Anna was asleep, Elsa picked her up carefully, and carried her into her into the sitting room, and set the smaller girl onto the couch, and delicately wrapped a quilted blanket over her toned body, making sure she would wake up warm. Elsa shut the bedroom door behind her quietly, and pulled out her phone as she made her way back into the kitchen, giving an 'everything is okay' smile to Rapunzel, who was waiting in the hall. Her concerned frown was alleviated somewhat.

The discussion with her father was heated, and over quickly. He was clear in his mentality that he did no longer care about Anna, but Elsa hoped that she had heard a soft undertone that betrayed he was glad she was safe. She hoped. As soon as Anna's whereabouts had been cleared up, Elsa let loose the venomous speech about how _fucking irresponsible _her father was, and if he _ever laid another fucking finger on her_, she'd make sure he spent the rest of his life in jail. Or dead. At that point, the phone conversation reached an abrupt end, as her father hung up without answering. Trying to calm her nerves, Elsa put the phone back in her pocket, and took wrap of the day's events. It had been a very, very long day.

Elsa noted the time, _01:32_, and decided she wanted a cigarette.

_Who can blame me? _

She fished through Kristoff's pockets, and retrieved a solitary smoke from the carton. Fumbling through the rest of his belongings, she found the lighter. When she pulled it out, a piece of paper fell out onto the floor. She picked it up, and was about to return it to his pocket when she recognized the handwriting. It was her own.

_What the fuck?_

She opened it up, and the crumpled paper revealed the entire collection of her declaration of love for Anna, and a smaller piece of paper that read;

_I think you'd better see this._

_ Hans_

Elsa clapped her hand over mouth, a multitude of thoughts swirling in her already chaotic mind.

_But... what? How can Kristoff know? He hasn't said anything. He's been behaving the same as he always does. Maybe he hasn't read it? I'm gonna fucking kill Hans, the conniving little rat. This is __**none **__of his business._

And-

_How did Hans even find this so fast? I wrote this like two days ago. Is he in my room more than I am?_

Almost at the mention of his name, she heard a figure descending the stairs. It was Hans. He stopped at the foot of the staircase, and took stock of the situation. Upon seeing the crumpled letter and note in Elsa's hand, he smiled resignedly. He enjoyed having _leverage_.

_He put this here recently. For Kristoff to find. It hasn't been read yet. Calm down. Be rational. Hans doesn't have to tell anyone._

"Hans. Please. You don't understand."

"I think I do, Elsa. You're gonna hurt Kristoff, and you're a disgusting un-ethical person. Who the _fuck _fantasizes about doing that shit with their sister? You're despicable. You're lucky I'm not shouting this from the rooftops. I tried to tell Kristoff in an inconspicuous way, but no. You had to invade his belongings and find it." Hans failed to check his tone, and Elsa nearly screamed at him to keep it down, so Anna wouldn't hear. But that wouldn't have been very constructive.

"_Invading personal space?!" _Elsa hissed at him. "_How dare you talk about invading personal space!_" She kept her voice low, but her fury was evident. "_This is my __**own **__goddamn letter, and you had __**no **__business going into my room and taking it, let alone leaving it for Kris to find! You __**fucking hypocrite**__!_" Elsa was fighting her hardest to control her voice now. And her actions. She felt as though there would be nothing more satisfying than smacking Hans square in his cocky smirk. He was a scheming little worm.

"When I tell Kristoff -you can't stop me- it'll be over. You had no right to manipulate him like this." Flashbacks of their first night hit Elsa, there was certainly no memory of _her _having done _anything _to instigate this relationship. "When he sees the monster that you are, he'll kick you out of this place. If only there were someone who loved you." With a final glance at the (now snapped in half) cigarette in Elsa's hand, he gave a judgmental _tut tut _and turned to walk back up the stairs.

"W-Wait!" Elsa gasped. Thoughts snapping back to Anna.

_As they always did._

"Please. Do one thing for me." She pleaded. Hans turned, and cocked an eyebrow.

"Spit it out. You're lucky I'm even speaking to you. People like you are scum of the earth."

Elsa ignored the statement. Opinions were opinions.

"Just- _just please don't tell Anna._" Elsa lowered her tone to a whisper again. "_She doesn't need this. Not right now. Please."_

"Maybe." The one word answer was enough for Elsa, who slid down the wall into a fetal position, allowing the day's events to finally get to her. A tear escaped her electric blue eyes, and then she let them flow. She paid little attention to the slinking figure who had, in conjunction with her father, successfully managed to ruin her life in one day. She gasped and cried into her arms, trying to keep quiet for Anna's sake.

_This is it. Where am I gonna stay? I'll have to start again. I'll never be able to speak to Rapunzel, or Kristoff again. _

Then- she felt as if someone had punched her in the ribs, she lost all breath, completely winded.

_Or Anna._

* * *

_**A/N: **This is the second story I've ever written; so be nice! I'm largely new to all this, I even only watched the film two weeks ago. Written for Elsanna week. Please review, it's hugely helpful! Thank you! xox  
_

_PS: This is ongoing! I want to write many more chapters._

_***Roux** (also **rue** or **panada**) is a substance created by cooking wheat, flour and fat. (traditionally butter). It is used as a base for a sauce._

_****Béarnaise sauce** is a sauce made of clarified butter emulsified in egg yolks, white wine vinegar and flavored with herbs._

_-jinxxxxx_


	2. Synthetic Whirlwinds

2. Synthetic Whirlwinds

_**Christmas Eve, 2002**_

_"Come on Elsa, let's build a snowman!"_

_The pair of sisters played in the snow, giggling and squealing with delight. The mounds of pure crystalline snow that had fallen over the preceding week had almost begged to be played in, and Anna could barely control herself when she had woken up. Playing with her sister was her favourite thing. As the young girls fought and wriggled, sidetracked from their objective to make a snowman, their parents look on, proud. _

_A pair of beautiful daughters, aged 8 and 6. Who wouldn't be proud. The family was healthy, happy, and full of Christmas spirit. _

_"__**ANNA!**__" Came a dreadful cry from the elder of the sisters, as she realised what she had done._

_Elsa had spun through a synthetic blizzard of snow she had picked up from the ground, and struck her younger counterpart with a sharp crack. The accidental manoeuvre caused Anna's joyful laugh to stop so suddenly, that the lack of sound seemed louder than the presence of it. _

_A hospital bed. A mild concussion. Elsa was relieved of her worry, but not of her guilt._

_Elsa had watched as Anna lay, breathing softly, in her hospital bed. Curled under her sheets with her thumb in her mouth._

_**I'll never hurt you again.**_

* * *

_Christmas Eve Morning, 2013_

_**This cannot be happening.**_

Her heart was pounding, the only sound Elsa could hear in her ears was the rushing of blood. Her brain was fuzzy, and her eyes itched from her lack of sleep, and abundance of tears.

Elsa forced herself out of the curled position she had taken in the protective cocoon that was her bed. She didn't even remember the journey upstairs. All she could remember were the words Hans had said to her the previous night. She doubted she would ever forget them, nor the foreboding prosecution they carried. She knew that Kristoff's heart would be affected by this, and she swore to never mess with another. She couldn't inflict herself upon anyone else.

Numb was all Elsa felt as she clothed herself. An absence of emotion. She felt the epitome of indifference, the pinnacle of ambiguity. Maybe this was the knee-jerk reaction her body had taken to counteract the immeasurable degree of pain she was about to endure. The calm before the storm. She took a step away from the bed. And another. One more. Eventually she reached her door, and somehow managed to pull it open. She was greeted with a view of Kristoff asleep at his desk, his door left ajar. His brow furrowed, he was holding a ripped quatrain of paper loosely between his fingers. Elsa knew.

Elsa didn't know if she was shivering with the cold, or the premonition of Kristoff's reaction. Only time could tell.

Elsa descended the staircase, her feet making soft imprints in the plush carpet. Grasping the bannister, she supported herself in her solitary journey toward the ground floor of the house. Reaching the hallway, she was greeted by a warm smile and a festive greeting.

"Elsa! Merry Christmas! Anna's in the kitchen, I made you some toast and coffee." Rapunzel paused. "Did you sleep okay? You look terrible."

"Thanks." Elsa replied, forcing a mask of joviality. It was Christmas, after all. Apparently.

Walking into the kitchen, she was greeted with the only sight that had the power to raise her mood, even if it were only by a fraction. Her younger sister sat, slouched, in a wooden-framed chair; munching avidly on some buttered toast. Her hair was brushed, her face clear and she was wearing an expression of extreme concentration as she watched figures mill about on the TV.

_Merry Christmas, Anna._

Elsa couldn't bring herself to open her mouth.

"Hey, Rapunzel, can I have ano- Elsa!" Anna exclaimed, a huge grin plastered across her face. "You woke up! Merry Christmas!"

"You want another _Elsa_?" Rapunzel smirked. "I think there's only one where that came from."

_Thank God._

"I can make you another coffee if you'd like, though. Black, right?"

_Just like my heart, apparently._

Elsa forced herself to speak when Anna stuttered an affirmative, overwhelmed by Rapunzel's generosity.

"Good morning Anna. How are you?" She paused. "You look absolutely beau- lovely." Elsa stopped herself, noticing Hans' cat-like eyes snap up at her from his seated position by the sink. Elsa tried her hardest to ignore him, and stooped to embrace Anna, her breath catching in her throat when Anna kissed her on the cheek.

_Oh fuck. _

Elsa hoped Anna didn't notice her flush red, as she pulled back a chair and buttered the toast Rapunzel had laid before her.

"I'm _brilliant_. Rapunzel was really nice, she pulled out the couch for me. It's handy only having to move five feet to eat your breakfast when you wake up." Elsa couldn't help but let Anna's response draw a small smile on her face.

* * *

The weather was eerily calm outside. The snow that had since ceased from falling was now enveloping its environment in an all-constricting hug, smothering any sound. Elsa stood awkwardly, wringing her hands. She gazed out of the kitchen window, and sighed. She was going to have to face reality soon.

_But not like this. Not now. Please._

_I feel as though this might have been a happy Christmas, were it not under these circumstances._

Elsa felt her guilt blaze within her. She let her self-hate and pity swirl inside, a cacophony of pain, a tornado of suffering. She was drowning, unaware of her surroundings, infatuated with her own feelings. Nurturing them. Allowing them to prevail.

_I'm weak._

"E-Elsa? You there? Rapunzel asked you if you wanted jam or anything on your toast." Anna addressed her sister loudly, more than aware of how prone Elsa was to spacing out sometimes.

Elsa snapped back to reality. Well, the reality that she had been forced to snap back to. The others were not any less real.

"You know what," Elsa turned to Rapunzel. "Hand me those other pieces as well, I'll give them to Kristoff. I don't need jam or anything." Obliging, Rapunzel handed Elsa an ornate china plate laden with the buttered toast. Elsa thanked her cousin, and turned to leave the kitchen and head up the stairs. Each step was a mile, each stair a mountain. She ate as she walked, the saltiness of the butter reminding her of her tears.

_Just- be honest. Don't hurt him anymore. He doesn't deserve it. _

_-You do._

Blood pounded in her ears as she reached the top step, and turned towards Kristoff's door. It was wide open, revealing an empty room. Confused, Elsa turned. She became aware of clattering and other sounds coming from her own room, she pushed open the door and stepped inside.

"Kr-Kris?" Elsa exclaimed, as she was met by the mess that used to be her haven. Before her stood a shaking Kristoff, with a pair of her shirts clasped firmly in his hand. He was packing her things into a suitcase. She stood lamely, holding the plate of food.

"Don't." Kristoff spoke bluntly. No chuckle this time. Elsa shut her mouth to contain the plea she had been ready to utter, the beg for forgiveness that had come so readily to her tongue.

"_Fuck, Elsa._" Kristoff swore as he threw a pile of her clothing on the floor. "_Why the fuck would you do this to me? Or your sister? Do you have no regard for either of us?" _Kristoff swore again, throwing the suitcase onto the floor, its contents spilling across the floor. Elsa's curtains were closed, her light off, yet she still saw light glance through a tear making its way down his jawline.

Elsa tried to speak, but the previous multitude of words that had crept across her lips had deserted her. She had nothing. Kristoff knelt on the floor, breathing heavily. He looked up at her, tears sparkling in his reddened eyes.

"I give you one week. To sort yourself out. I want you out of here on New Year's Day. I swear to God if you contact me again I will tell Anna _everything_."

Elsa nodded at his words, taken aback by his compassion once more. He had given her a chance to leave in dignity, without betraying her to Anna. She took a shuddering breath, and dared to look into his eyes once more.

"I'm sorry."

"_You're sorry?_ I don't want to fucking hear it, Elsa. I do not care if you're sorry. I want you gone." He spoke in injured tones, and avoided her belongings as he pushed passed her, knocking into her shoulder, and slamming the door upon exit. Elsa stumbled onto her bed, and felt hot tears brimming in her eyes. She let them flow, as her thoughts fell to what she was going to do now. _How _she was going to explain to Anna that they had to leave.

_Where is Anna- where am I- going to go_?

With a realisation of horror, her train of thought led to the only people whom she could even hope to let her in.

Her parents.

* * *

Christmas Eve passed in a surreal manner. Elsa felt no measure of time. Events blurred into one another as they passed her by, asking for no input from her. She watched life from the sidelines. She tried her hardest to keep a façade of joviality, for Anna's sake; she had yet to tell her the news; she couldn't tell her now. Not before Christmas. She watched Kristoff cope. He was kicking her out of her own home; she had found this place first. A fleeting thought of Anna reminded her that she had nothing to be ungrateful for, regarding how Kristoff was reacting to the turn of events. The thought of losing Anna, no longer feeling her touch, hearing her voice, scared her more than words could express. When they were apart, she longed for her. When they were together, she failed to appreciate her.

The dripping of melting snow and the soft rumble of a solitary car passing by were the sounds that greeted Elsa as she stepped out onto the porch. She took a shuddering breath. Elsa raised her hands to her face, and held her head as she gazed upon flawless virgin snow before her.

_**I'll never hurt you again.**_

A flashback to her childhood. She couldn't let Anna find out. Anna was a perfect girl; intelligent, beautiful, and generous. Anna held morals, and ethics. Thoughts of incest were meant to disgust Elsa, repel her from the temptation that was her strawberry-haired sister.

Anna; the picture of perfection. Simply thinking about the girl made Elsa feel damp pool between her legs. She took her second deep breath and raised her line of vision to the houses around her. The street was quiet, the snow acted as an insulator, giving each family privacy to enjoy their own Christmas. Elsa felt secluded. Alone. She had no-one to confide in, no-one who would hug her, hold her, and tell her everything would be okay.

Her thoughts wandered back to when she was being brought up. Her parents had always been there, they had brought her up strictly but fairly, and taught her morals and values, via the word of God. She used to attend church when she was in Primary* school, but she had shortly lost interest in it. Still, her parents had stayed strong and continued to love and nurture her. Elsa's moral compass had always told her to live to the best of her ability, to stretch her motivation and take advantage of every possibility. She couldn't help but empathise with Nietzche.

_Apart from his racist tendencies._

Still, she was messed up. She didn't believe the quality of one's personality relied on a religious upbringing; she thought it was more about the morals that were instilled in you at a young age. It was more about making mistakes, and learning from them. Learning how not to hurt people.

Elsa tried to envisage her sister's upbringing. It had been largely similar to hers, if a little more polished. She knew that Anna had always looked up to her, and respected her, but from an academic point of view, Anna had excelled much more than herself, and to this Elsa was happy. She wanted nothing more than Anna's contentedness, and swore to herself to keep her sexual fantasies from impacting Anna in a negative manner. She would control herself and help Anna to flourish. She did _not _want to give up and lose Anna's tender sisterly touch, the willingness to be close and confide with her.

Elsa's thoughts tugged at her heartstrings, feeling almost malleably painful. The thought of never being able to physically _have _her sister, never be able to indulge in her perfectly formed body, was unbearable. However, it was not as unbearable as the thought of being estranged from her. She _could not _allow that to happen.

Elsa turned her head back, and looked up into the clear night sky. A tumult of clouds approached in the distance. She took her third shuddering breath as tears rolled down her pale, waxy cheeks. She felt overcome with the temptation to do something crazy; strip naked and run through the streets. Or scream as loud as she could, or destroy something.

_Anything to distance herself from rational thought. _

She wanted a release, to let her emotions explode into an outburst that would finally finish and leave her calmer than ever before. She smiled through her tears, and tried to avoid the downward spiral that was her thought processes. Ignoring twinkling thoughts of having nobody to confide in, she turned around, ready to head to bed to pleasure herself and moan her sister's name into bedsheets that would never be a substitute for the redhead herself, when she noticed the large door open, premature to her touch.

Anna walked out, she took a breath, silencing Elsa. When Anna spoke, it was with a resigned conviction.

"Elsa- sis. I need to talk."

"**I lied to you**."

* * *

**A/N: **_I got such a positive reaction to the first chapter that I wrote the second as fast as I could, thank you guys! Sorry if this is a lil intense, I put a lot of raw emotion into my writing. I want to thank everyone who has made a review, and hint it y'all who haven't- it helps me so much! Thanks for reading, stay happy._

_*Primary school is the equivalent of Elementary for all of y'all from the US._

_NB: _

FOR ALL OF YOU ASKING WHO SAID THE LAST LINE!

"When Anna spoke, it was with a resigned conviction"

Anna spoke the final two lines. Sorry if that was unclear.

_-jinxxxxx_


	3. Cracked Voices and Broken Promises

3. Cracked Voices and Broken Promises

* * *

_You're not a shepherd_

_You're just a sheep_

_A combined effort of everyone you meet_

_You're all flesh_

_With no bone_

_Feed them to the sharks _

_And throw them to the wolves_

* * *

_**New Year's Eve, 2013**_

Elsa faltered. Her breath caught.

"W-what? Anna? _What did you lie about?_" Elsa spoke urgently, with a tone of incredulity. Anna never lied.

Anna's eyes shone bright with imminent tears. It tore Elsa's heart seeing this degree of pain through the glassy windows that were her sister's eyes. Anna took a shaky breath.

"Elsa, I- I lied about the reason I'm here. I lied about why I ran from home." Anna drew together the strength to follow through with committal to telling the truth.

"I didn't run because Dad caught me with a boy. I ran because I came out as _gay_." And then- "_I'm so sorry_."

Elsa felt as though every sinew in her body, every muscle and every bone, every single cell, had relaxed. An audible sigh escaped her lips, diffusing into a cloud of vapour before the sisters' eyes.

_Oh Anna. _

"You had me scared for a moment." Elsa spoke through a light-hearted laugh. Maybe a little too light-hearted. Elsa paused. At Anna's wordless response, the elder sister took the younger in her arms and kissed her forehead, pulling the petite redhead into a close embrace. Elsa's heart panged with longing, however she maintained a comforting, big-sister, protective hug.

_And I'm trying my goddamn hardest to not just kiss you right on your big dumb mouth._

Anna looked up and gave Elsa a watery smile, giggling slightly. An unspoken agreement of trust was exchanged between the two girls, with Anna's eyes saying

_I will never lie again,_

And Elsa's saying;

_I'm sorry, but I already have_.

"Anna- it's fine. Honestly. Being gay does _not _define you, nor should it affect people's view in _any _way. It cannot be construed as a negative characteristic; it's totally natural. I love you Anna, know that. You definitely do not have to apologise for liking girls- don't you see how dumb that is?" Elsa spoke from the heart. Anna smiled.

"Thank you, sis. I love you too." Anna leant back, feeling as though all the weight on her shoulders had lifted. She was with her sister, and there were no more lies. No more hiding in the shadows. Then-

"But Anna. I had something to tell you to. This news is not good- at all."

_Unlike yours._

It pained Elsa as Anna broke the intimate contact, to turn around and face her elder sister. Anna's face was a painting of apprehension; what could possibly have happened?

Elsa looked at her feet as she spoke.

"I cheated on Kristoff. H-He found out." Elsa couldn't raise her eyes to meet her sister's emeralds. Elsa pushed on.

"He's- he's kicking me- us- out. He wants us out of here tomorrow morning." Elsa's voice cracked as she enunciated the last syllable, a plethora of hurt and shame seeping through. She didn't dare to look at Anna and witness the moment her fleeting happiness shattered.

_I'm so fucking sorry._

The young girl's voice quavered as she tested her ability to speak. Elsa expected an angry tirade of who, what, where and when, but the words that met Elsa's ears were of disappointment instead.

".. Okay."

She continued.

"I guess we're going to Mom and Dad's, then."

Silently, Elsa gave a slow nod. Anna stood up and walked inside, the door emanating a crack that mirrored Elsa's heart.

_I'm such a fucking __**idiot**__._

* * *

"_Welcome aboard this Southeastern service to..._"

Elsa ignored the automated ramble of the synthetic train announcer. She sat directly across from Anna, who was curled in her seat, a raised hood preventing any chance of communication with the blonde. Elsa sighed as she sat, squashing her hands with her knees, stomach churning.

_I don't want to do this anymore than she does._

Elsa's most recent words with her father had been far from friendly, and she had yet to forgive him for harming Anna.

But there was nowhere else to go.

The departure of the sisters from the house had been silent and rushed. Kristoff had avoided all eye contact, and had muttered a pained goodbye as the door clicked shut. Hans unsuccessfully tried to hide his smug smile all morning. Rapunzel had been a little angry due to her being left without an explanation as to why the sisters were leaving so suddenly, but she had deduced Kristoff and Elsa's separation. With a swift hug, a bag of sandwiches thrust into Anna's hands, and a teary goodwish, she made sure Elsa knew she could call her anytime. With that, Hans had moaned for them to 'hurry up' and to 'stop letting the cold in'. A pained look in her eyes, Rapunzel stood back and closed the door. Elsa had turned to see Anna one hundred meters ahead of her, unfalteringly making her way towards the station.

_I'm a fucking piece of shit._

_I promised one thing; to never hurt you again. And I couldn't even fucking do that._

_Now she doesn't even want anything to do with you._

_You fucked it up._

Elsa longed for the moment when her sister had held her. Trustingly. She longed to feel Anna's breath on her neck as she nuzzled into her breast. She longed to touch her milky, freckled skin. She missed her superfluous touch, her readiness to be comforted. She had taken it for granted. Right now, Anna lay no more than a foot away from her, but it could have been a million miles. Anna's body language said one thing, and one thing only. **Do not speak to me.**

The countryside that blurred past Elsa's window became more familiar, bringing unwelcome memories of her journey to school every morning when she was younger. She shuddered. The circumstances she was in were no more welcome than the rush of mental pain.

Trees melded to fields, which in turn melded into concrete. A white sign flashed past the scratched glass, indicating that they had arrived at their stop.

_Why can't I just stay on this train forever?_

The sisters wordlessly stepped of the train, and Elsa's hand brushed Anna's.

The redhead flinched, and pulled away.

* * *

**A/N: **_Thank you for your continued support._

_-jinxxxxx_


	4. Let's Lie to Ourselves

4. Let's Lie to Ourselves

Elsa stood perfectly still as she watched her sister turn silently and make her way down the platform. A solitary drop of rain dripped onto the back of her hand. She wiped it off, only for a second drop to land on her head. And another. And another; until a cascade of icy water was hailing down around her, pelting her body and drenching her clothes. She continued to stand quite still. As tears mingled with rain, her face grew slick with salty water. The rain followed the contours of her slender features, slipping down her angled cheekbones only to meet at the bottom of her chin, gathering and falling as one further down her body. As more pure, natural liquid passed over her rose lips, that were pressed together so tightly, Elsa came to her senses. She cleared her eyes and pulled the fur hood of her parka over her bleach blonde hair, and tucked her braid around her neck into the coat. She followed Anna.

As the crowd milled around the tall blonde, she kept her eyes closely fixed on her sister's bobbing head; tracking it, trying not to lose it. _Trying never to lose it_. Elsa's pace quickened. The double braided girl dismissively pushed through the barriers, thrusting her ticket obnoxiously at the railway guard. She twirled her coat back around her slight figure, and headed out of the art-deco station lobby. Elsa angled her head over the faceless crowd, and was momentarily distracted by the sheets of rain lashing the large windows that overlooked the not-so-picturesque car park. Regaining focus, she repeated her sister's actions; showing the guard her ticket and squeezing through the barrier. Elsa straightened her hood and followed Anna into the storm ahead.

Elsa's gaze was vignetted, with eyes only for her younger sister as she strode purposefully into the residential area of their town. She barely noticed the scenery that would have evoked memories sharp as knives.

As Elsa navigated the route through the somewhat decrepit town, she tried to deduce what her parents' reactions would be. They hadn't exactly parted on good terms. She knew, however, that at the end of the day, her parents loved their children. No matter what Anna's sexual orientation was, and no matter what Elsa had said to her father, they had to take them back. She knew. Her mother was selfless and caring, if a little easy going. She did not often take it upon herself to put her spouse right when he was wrong, which was fairly frequently, allowing him to maintain an arrogant demeanour. He was a proud man, who had always stuck to his perogatives, so he was, at least _consistently_ wrong. Elsa had had a somewhat unsteady upbringing, being bullied and secluded from various cliques at school. Anna had gone to the same school as her, and Elsa had always protected her from whatever she deemed a threat. Anna had always showed embarrassment, and had asked to be left alone as she felt she were no longer a child. However, she still appreciated it, and loved Elsa deeply for her actions.

Elsa slowed as she approached the worn front door of their former home. She waited at the gate, gazing upon Anna who was standing still, hands poised to knock. Elsa's heavy breathing and the soft patter of rain were the only sounds that permeated the damp air. Anna stood for what seemed like an eternity. Elsa made to open the gate and walk towards her, but stopped herself. She wanted to let Anna call the shots here; it was Elsa's fault the young girl was in this terrible position.

With a flourish, Anna turned and started to walk towards her sister. She reached the gate and pulled it open.

"Anna-" Elsa pleaded.

Anna avoided her gaze and walked wordlessly past her, brushing into the blonde's shoulder. The light contact hurt Elsa more than any physical attack could have done. Elsa took a step back and leant against the gate, and watched as Anna broke into a run away from the house. She couldn't bring herself to pursue her.

_Maybe it's easier to break it to my parents this way._

_If I find her._

Elsa sighed deeply as she creaked open the black, wrought-iron gate and stepped towards the porch. A soft glow emanated from the drawn curtains that she knew were hiding the kitchen, in which her parents were no doubt cooking some sort of delicious meal. She had learnt from the best. Flickering silhouettes were visible, and Elsa's breath caught as her hand hovered above the knocker. She wondered if she were experiencing the same train of thought as her sister. It was unlikely; yet still she hesitated. She hesitated because she didn't want to be the catalyst to forcing Anna to once again reside in a destructive environment. She didn't want to be the one to cause distress, arguing, anger, or pain. She wanted nothing more than peace and care for her sister, but she also wanted to love her and cherish her, as more than a sister, but she was uncertain if these two objectives were mutually exclusive. She hoped with all her heart that they were not.

Elsa, realising there was no other place to sleep that night, rapped sharply on the door, twice. She waited. She heard her mother say something, and start walking towards the door. Elsa was nearly overcome with the urge to bolt, to run away, to not have to deal with her problems. However, the door opened before she could even act. Her mother's eyes travelled up to meet her own, and they looked at each other for a fraction of a second. Elsa saw her mother's expression soften.

"Elsa." She spoke in a warm tone. "Why are you here? Did you, did you bring Anna?" Elsa noticed her mother leaning to the side, trying to look past the tall girl, in vain hope of finding Anna.

"She- Anna- will be along in a minute.. I just need to go get her, she waited behind. Will Dad be okay with her? She told me what happened.." Elsa stood awkwardly in the doorway. She was not used to being the one asking for interaction with her father. She saw her mother pause, either thinking about where Anna was, or whether her husband would knowingly tolerate a lesbian in his house.

"It will be okay honey." Her mother took a step backwards and retrieved a key from an ornate wooden table in the hallway, and handed it to her eldest daughter. "Here; I'll see you in a minute. I'll try and give your father a fair warning.." She smiled lightly. "I'm sure it will be fine. It's nice to have you back." Elsa saw her mother was bursting with questions, most likely regarding why the hell she had left London, but had repressed them. At least until later. Elsa noted this with appreciation, and returned her mother's smile. Turning 180 degrees, she walked out of the premises she had so recently hardly dared to enter, and headed right, to find her sister. She had an idea where Anna might be.

* * *

The rain had cleared, and the deep orange sun threw a final spectrum of rays at the horizon that was encroaching on darkness. Elsa scanned the old playground that she had always taken refuge in when she had wanted to avoid confrontation as a child. She yearned to be able to do that as an adult. Exhaling a sigh of relief, she saw the back of Anna's head bobbing up and down, as she pushed herself on the see-saw. It was a sorry sight; she was obviously distressed, but at least she was safe.

"Anna." Elsa took a step forwards.

"Mom and Dad want you back. You don't have to worry." She then took a seat on the other end of see-saw, balancing it. "I understand that you're angry, scared even. I understand that you want _nothing _to do with me right now, but Mom and Dad still love you; they always have and always will. They want the best for you, and _so do I_. We all love you, Anna." Elsa spoke while looking at her feet. When she had finished, she dared to look up, and was met by Anna looking right at her. Elsa couldn't unravel the emotions that her sister's face held, but her body language was clear. Anna slid off the peeling paint and motioned for her sister to lead her home. She didn't say a word. The last light illuminated a small smile dancing across Elsa's lips as she walked across the cold ground, her shadow seeming to stretch a million miles.

**A/N:** _I'm trying to slow down. Please review; it helps so much. Stay happy!_

_-jinxxxxx_


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